The Voice That Comes After a Layoff

There is a voice that sometimes comes after a layoff.

It doesn't announce itself.
It just shows up every now and then and says: “Maybe you're not good enough.”

And then it gives you a reason: If you were good enough, they wouldn't have let you go.

You know that's not true.
You know organizations change. Budgets change. Leadership changes. Priorities change. Sometimes people lose good jobs for reasons that have very little to do with their performance.

I know that. I also know my layoff wasn't performance-related.
But knowing something intellectually doesn't mean your mind won't try to tell you something different.

That's the psychological part of being laid off that I don't think people talk about enough. The danger isn't just losing a job.
It's allowing the loss of a job to slowly change the way you see yourself.

So I've been intentional about fighting that voice.
And honestly, relationship and community have been a big part of that.
I've been talking to people.
Former coworkers. Friends. People I've worked with. People I've met through career events.

And when someone who has actually worked with me says, “You're an amazing person to work with,” or “We're going to miss you,” or “Wherever you go next, they're going to be blessed to have you,” I'm learning to take their word for it.

Not because other people get to define me.
But because sometimes, when your own perspective gets distorted, you need other people to remind you of what is still true.

I've also gone back to my work.
I've kept documentation of projects I've worked on, partly because I've had to transition out of roles before, including during two parental leaves.
Sometimes I'll go back and listen to a podcast episode I produced.
And I'll think:
“Yeah. I did that.”

That's important.
Because when the voice says, “You're not good enough,” I can point to something real. I can remember the work.

The ideas.
The problems I solved.
The people I helped.
The things I built.
Your feelings can change quickly, you know.
Your body of work is evidence.

I've also been putting myself in rooms.
I've attended career fairs where I wasn't particularly interested in many of the organizations there.
But I went anyway. Because someone would eventually ask:
“So, what's your experience?”

And I'd have to tell them.
I'd have to talk about what I've done, what I know, what I'm good at, and what I'm looking for.

There's something about saying those things out loud that reminds you of who you are. It keeps you focused on what's ahead instead of constantly replaying what's behind.

And then there's my family. I'm a husband and a father. I have a wife I love. I have a great marriage. I have children who don't care whether I got laid off.
So I talk to my wife. I make jokes about things to keep lightheaded.

I play with my kids. I make plans with them. And sometimes I just laugh.
Not because getting laid off is funny.
But because life is going to change whether you want it to or not.
If it isn't a layoff, it'll be something else.

“Life is going to life”, as they say. 😊
You have to learn how to carry uncertainty without letting it carry you.
And that's something I'm trying to do in this season.

Yes, I'm laid off. I'm still applying for jobs and interviewing; figuring out what's next.
But I'm also seeing something else in this season.
I have more time with my family. So I'm taking advantage of it.
I'm playing with my kids and paying attention.
I'm enjoying things I might normally be too busy to enjoy.

I'm not pretending the uncertainty isn't there.
I'm simply refusing to let it become my identity.
Because a layoff is something that happened to me. It is not a definition of who I am.

And when that quiet voice comes back, I want to answer it with what is actually true:

The work I've done. The people I've served. The relationships I've built. The family God’s blessed me with. The community around me.
And ultimately, the God who gives my life its meaning whether I have a job or not.

If you've been through a layoff, I'd genuinely like to hear from you.
Did you experience that same quiet mind game? And what helped you overcome it?

And please, do subscribe to our YouTube channel if you haven’t. 🙏🏽

Thanks,
Thomas