Parents, Never Miss these Moments

Most of what shapes a child doesn’t happen at the big moments. It happens in small ones that last about thirty seconds.

I’ve been paying attention to three of them with my sons Charlie and Nti. They’re five and two, respectively, so take it with a grain of salt. But I’m convinced these moments are small doors into who your child believes they are.

The first is when your child shows you something they made. Charlie builds with his Magna-Tiles and comes running. Last time it was a church, and you could tell he had studied one. The details were all there. I stopped what I was doing, locked eyes with him, and acknowledged it. I didn’t have to throw a party. I simply rewarded his imagination with my attention. We are creators because we were made by a Creator, and every solution starts as a small idea someone took seriously.

The second is right after you’ve disciplined your child. Here’s what I’ve noticed. Children will always come back. Even after the tears, even after the apology, there’s a window where they want to know one thing. Are we still good? If you’re still too upset to receive them, you teach them that discipline ends the relationship or that where there is discipline, love does not exist. That’s how a child learns to walk away and never return. Let them check in. Go to them if they don’t come. Show them that correction and love live in the same house.

The third is when your child asks a question. This is prime time. Questions are how children learn to think, and thinking children grow into thoughtful adults. You don’t have to answer everything, and you’re the parent, so you know what’s age-appropriate. But don’t let them feel unwelcome. Sometimes the best answer is, “Let’s find out together.” Sometimes it’s, “Save that one for dinner.”

Now here’s the truth underneath all of this. Nobody can catch every one of those moments. I miss some. You will too. We’re tired, distracted, and sometimes we just don’t notice.

That’s why I don’t believe parents were built to do this alone. We grow by hearing how another mom handled the tantrum, how another dad answered the hard question. We get sharper in conversation, not in isolation.

That’s what our Saturday gathering on The Called Community is for. Every weekend, parents and couples get together to talk about marriage, parenting, and building a godly home. It’s a private online community, and there’s a seat for you. Join us here.

Pay attention to the small moments. And don’t carry them by yourself.